“Kisses ain’t gonna solve this shit.”

- A Man arguing with his girlfriend on an escalator

“I don’t get it… what’s so bad about being a hypocrite?”

- A Woman to her friend while in line at a salad bar

“I have asthma - so I have a lot of lung issues. I guess what I’m trying to say is that I’m never going to be an equestrian.”

- A Man to his coworker during their lunch break

“Have you ever read James Joyce through a homosexual lense?”

- A Man to his friend in a coffee shop

“I think it’s stupid… I mean how do you trick a demon into thinking a hologram is an actual person? It’s ridiculous.”

- A Man to a group of friends in a restaurant

“A few years ago I never would’ve considered online dating because there was an astigmatism attached to it - but I don’t think that’s true anymore.”

- A Girl to her friend

“Some people are just oblivious to the people around them.”

- A Man to a Woman while leaving the grocery store… as the Man finished saying this he ran into me because he wasn’t paying attention to where he was going.

“I get it… she didn’t have kids. That doesn’t mean I want to hear about her pets.”

- A Woman to her friend in line at the coffee shop

“I don’t want you to think I’d ever do something like that even though I just did.”

- A Girl to her boyfriend

“I look at men’s hairlines now like I used to look at women’s breasts.”

- A Man to his friend

“I mean I can find a way to like anyone… you know? But I just hate being around them because I know how they are.”

- Man to his friend while eating a burrito

“you know, I always associate being smart with being jewish but there are a lot of really smart people out there who are not. It always surprises me.”

- A Mother to her daughter